Lean Cuisine, Deep Dish (Craveables) Spinach and Mushroom Pizza — Diet Food Review

Trying to preserve more of my calories for dinner today, as I feel like I’m going to have an almost ravenous hunger spike today.  For lunch, I chose one of the lower calorie items from my freezer: Deep Dish Spinach and Mushroom Pizza.

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Look, Mom. I did my own photography today. 

I thought today, instead of the messy rambling I did last time, that I would set this review up into categories.  Maybe that will help break up the terrifying wall of text and you’ll be less scared about reading about my mouth’s emotions.  We’ll see; let me know your thoughts.

Visuals

Once again, Lean Cuisine has done a pretty damn good job at making the food actually look like the picture on the box.  This looks like real food and I don’t worry too much about how many machine bowels it’s passed through before ending up in my mouth.  It doesn’t look like it was squeezed out of a test tube — that’s a success!

Taste

I feel like this really needed some love in the spices department.  The flavor was extremely mild.  Sure, it’s a vegetarian dish, and spinach and mushrooms have very mild flavors to begin with, but even the sauce lacked a punch.  It wasn’t bad, but if the sauce had instead been mixed with a fuckload of garlic and cayenne (I like foods that make my breath so stinky that no one will ever consider kissing me for the rest of my life).  If you like foods that are easy on the stomach and don’t taste like much more than a mild cheese, you’ll probably like this.  Me, though?  I like to eat things that don’t taste like nothing.

Texture

This pizza did a lot better in the crust department than the flatbread from last night did.  While the crust on the bottom was a bit squishier (likely due to having moisture cooked in from being covered in a heavy amount of sauce), the edge crust surprisingly had a little bit of a crispness to it.  The edges are pretty similar in texture to a pizza dough you might make at home.

Portions

The pizza took up the majority of my dinner plate, so it’s pretty large. It’s not all that thick despite being deep dish, but it was pretty filling anyway.  I had it on it’s own for lunch around noon and didn’t feel hungry again until 6:30 or so.

Calories

This weighs in at 350 calories, which isn’t bad. You could have some veggies on the side to round it off closer to 400, which is apparently the recommended meal size.  By recommended, I mean dogshit.  Do you know how many times I’ve eaten a 400 calorie meal?  Like twice.  I think one of those times when I was still breastfeeding.

TL;DR Section for you nerds who want to read a blog without actually reading a blog:

PROS

  • Cooks surprisingly well for bread in a microwave
  • Low calorie
  • Pretty filling

CONS

  • Tastes like virtually nothing

FINAL RATING… 5/10

I didn’t have a thrilling experience, but it wasn’t painful.  It was just meh.  I would probably eat this again because I’m a fat fuck.

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2 thoughts on “Lean Cuisine, Deep Dish (Craveables) Spinach and Mushroom Pizza — Diet Food Review

  1. You had me at “fat fuck”. Why? Because I’m always calling myself a fat fuck—I thought I was the only one. And since I’m on a “weight loss journey”, your post on reviewing a diet meal was incredibly intriguing! My favorite frozen diet meal? Weight Watchers Smart Ones Macaroni and Cheese. The taste isn’t great but just having that smallish amount of pasta brings me to a happy place. And at 9 points it is very doable for my 30 point days. I’m hoping you do more reviews!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • There’s a lot of health and lifestyle related blogs out there that sugar-coat and splurge nonsense. Those usually end up promoting less than healthy or unsustainable methods of weight loss. When I started my blog, I made the conscious decision to remain as real as possible and not filter my personality/mannerisms for the sake of political correctness. If that costs me in the readers department somewhere down the line, I say it’s totally worth it. I think the world needs more brutal honesty and real reflections of the shitty parts of weight loss as well as the good ones.

      Diet food was a huge dread for me — that’s why I don’t eat a lot of it. It DID give me a great outlet for writing, though!

      I’ll have to give their Mac and Cheese a go! I had some Kraft last week, which, THANK GOD, I somehow was full after 1/3 of a box. That has never happened before. EVER. I’ll be doing plenty more reviews and ramblings in the future. Super thrilled to actually have a subscriber, thank you so much!

      Like

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